1. Submitting to church leadership is synonymous with (or even more important than) obedience to Christ

In spiritually abusive environments, authority is subtly shifted away from Christ and placed onto church leadership. You may be told that hearing from God for yourself is risky, immature, or deceptive, while pastors or mentors are presented as the safest (or only) reliable spiritual voice.

Over time, personal prayer, discernment, and conscience are replaced with permission-seeking. Major decisions about relationships, career, finances, or calling must be filtered through a leader’s approval to be considered “obedient.”

Questions to ask:

Do I feel free to seek God’s guidance on my own, or do I need to ask my church leaders to pray with or for me before I make any major decision?

How would my church leaders react if I felt God calling me to do something they told me I shouldn't (assuming it's not anything that goes against the Bible)?

Would disobeying a leader feel dangerous, like God would punish me if I stepped out from under their authority?

2. Isolation from family, friends, or other believers

In spiritually abusive environments, isolation is often used to deepen control and dependence. Leaders may discourage close relationships with people outside the church, especially family members or longtime friends who raise concerns. Sometimes this isolation is physical, such as encouraging members to move closer to the church, spend most of their free time there, or limit outside commitments “for the sake of the mission.”

Other times the isolation is psychological, marked most often by shame. People who spend the most time at church are given special recognition or "cookies" from the leaders, and those who don't seem 100% committed are relegated to second-class congregants.

Questions to ask:

Am I free to maintain close relationships with family and friends who are not part of this church?

Can I fellowship with believers outside of my church without fear of judgment or correction?

Do I feel guilty for taking time to do things unrelated to the church, whether those things are have-tos like family or employment commitments or want-tos like hobbies?

3. Rigid hierarchies that are pervasive and obvious (even if they aren't explicitly stated)

In spiritually abusive environments, rigid hierarchies often exist even when they are never formally defined. You learn quickly who has a voice, whose opinions carry weight, and who is expected to stay silent. Access to leaders, influence, or spiritual authority may depend on loyalty, tenure, or compliance, and you may feel like you have to prove yourself to the church leadership before you can be part of the "in" crowd.

If your church offers preferential treatment to congregants to give more of their time, more of their money, or more of their loyalty, you may be in an abusive environment where your spiritual worth becomes tied to rank rather than shared identity in Christ. Over time, this unspoken hierarchy teaches people to compete against one another, make power plays for church approval, and see Christianity as a ladder to climb and not a shared and communal walk of grace.

Questions to ask:

Do certain people receive more access, influence, or favor based on how much they give, serve, or comply?

Do I feel like I need to prove my loyalty or earn approval from leadership to truly belong here?

4. Financial control, misuse of funds, or an unhealthy fixation on tithing

Let's face it. Churches need money to operate, and Paul is very clear that pastors should be paid adequately for the work they carry out in the name of Christ. ("A worker is worthy of his wages." ~ 1 Timothy 5:18) Just because your pastor teaches about tithing from the pulpit doesn't mean you're being scammed. But there are other warning signs to look out for that might indicate an unhealthy relationship between your church leadership and the finances they've been called by God to steward.

When financial giving is demanded through fear or shame, dangled like a carrot with outlandish promises of rewards, or used to determine who in the congregation has the most power and sway, it's time to examine if you're in a healthy church environment or not.

Questions to ask:

Is generosity encouraged as worship, or leveraged as a way to gain favor, access, or influence?

Are the church’s finances handled with transparency, accountability, and humility?

Would an unbeliever who looked at our church's spending history feel confident that we were acting on a desire to be salt and light in our community and world?

5. Shunning as a means of control and manipulation

In spiritually abusive environments, shunning is often used as a powerful tool to enforce conformity and silence dissent. When someone raises concerns, sets boundaries, or chooses to leave, they may be suddenly ignored, excluded, or treated as a cautionary tale. Communication grows cold, friendships disappear, and community is quietly withdrawn, almost as if a form of punishment.

This kind of relational cutoff teaches others to fall in line, reinforcing the message that belonging is conditional and dissent is dangerous. Rather than reflecting the reconciling heart of Christ, shunning functions to protect leadership and preserve control by leveraging fear of isolation.

Questions to ask:

Have I seen people suddenly cut off or avoided after questioning leadership or leaving the church?

Would I fear losing my relationships or reputation if I voiced honest concerns or joined another congregation?

6. Lack of meaningful accountability for leaders

In healthy churches, leadership is exercised with humility, transparency, and a willingness to be corrected. In spiritually abusive environments, accountability often flows in only one direction. Leaders may claim to be “accountable to God” or to a small inner circle, but there is little room for congregational input, outside oversight, or honest evaluation.

Concerns are deflected, minimized, or reframed as attacks on unity rather than opportunities for repentance and growth. Over time, this absence of meaningful accountability allows harmful patterns to continue unchecked, leaving congregants with no safe or trusted avenue to voice concerns.

Questions to ask:

Is there a clear, accessible process for raising concerns without fear of retaliation?

Is your pastor revered as one who is completely above reproach (and even beyond temptation), or as a fallible human being in need of grace and prayers just like everyone else?

7. Scripture is weaponized to exert control and dominance

In spiritually abusive environments, Scripture is not used to illuminate truth or point people toward Christ, but to shut down questions and enforce compliance. Verses are selectively quoted — often without context — to demand submission, justify harmful behavior, or frame leadership decisions as unquestionable.

Passages about authority are emphasized, while those that call leaders to humility, service, and accountability are ignored. Over time, the Bible becomes a tool of fear rather than freedom, leaving people confused, spiritually disoriented, and afraid to trust their own discernment. Instead of a double-edged sword, it becomes an assassin's knife that destroys the trust and faith of your congregation's most vulnerable.

Questions to ask:

Do I feel afraid to interpret or wrestle with Scripture on my own without leadership approval?

Are difficult passages used selectively to justify harm while passages about grace, justice, and love are minimized?